Well, the birthday is done, and I'm now thirty-six. I prefer to spend my birthday in reflection on the past year, what changes have happened to me, where I am now, what I want to do from here, etc.. There was no time for reflection on Saturday and this year it could have been the most helpful. As usual, my weekend whooshed by with its laundry list of child activities, parental obligations, household chores and the like. I had *very* little time to be introspective or reflective. Maybe next weekend will hold a bit of solitude.

I feel generally weirded out this year - disoriented, old, unsure of my physical self, unsure of my career identity, that sort of stuff. Some of my birthday willies come from the knowledge that I am losing my job in nine-and-a-half short months. I have many different ideas rolling around in my head about what to do next. Taking some time off sounds inviting, as does persuing a teaching career. I really like working with creative and design types, but I don't think that there is enough of a call in that field for someone with my skills. The tech industry does pay awfully well - if I were to continue on here for six or seven more years, I might be well enough off to not need to consider compensation for the work I do. Six or seven years is a long time, though. Am I willing to get into something I potentially don't enjoy (few new places are as fun as where I just came from), just to get the money up front? I just don't know.

Another idea that I had (and don't laugh) - I am considering tracking down a rickshaw and hauling people around all through Stampede next summer. Does that sound crazy or not?

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Here's the song that's the poignant soundtrack to what little Sean Time I've had this weekend.

Once in a Lifetime

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself - Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

- (c) David Byrne, 1980

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I'm reading an excellent book called Ancient Wisdom, Modern World that discusses ethics and morals for the twenty-first century. The author, the Dalai Lama, is pulling on his experiences from his fifty years of observing the world outside Tibet (he became a refugee shortly after the Chinese took over Tibet in the 1950's) and speaking mainly to those of us living in the western culture. The main focus of the book is how he feels we can work toward happiness (which he feels is the basis of ALL religion and spiritual pursuits) through being more mindful of others. I quite like how he differentiated spirituality (which he feels we need to pursue more) from religion (which he feels we don't necessarily need). He seems to have a good sense of self and points out his own prejudices.

It's pretty deep subject matter, but it fascinates me.