We've got a new addition to the swimming gang. She started coming to practice in September, but I wanted to make sure she was a permanent member before I added her to the cast.

She is (probably without knowing it because she's too young) the perfect, spunky, chunky Mary-Lou Retton clone - a small town girl that has come to Calgary to find her fame and fortune. Somehow, she ended up in our pool on Mondays and Wednesdays, probably straight from her volunteer position at the old folks home or the SPCA. She's bright-eyed, sweet and pure with smooth, pimple-free skin and a darling smile. Chaste and polite, I don't think anything we say or do will sway her from the straight and narrow. If the Two Broads don't take her on a road trip and help her to loosen up, she could end up being the perfect straight man during our Nacho and Beer nights.

Readers, say hello to Mary-Lou.