It's Sports Equipment Acquisition Week for me. I was driving by a ski shop and saw that they were clearing out some demo skis. I picked up a set of skis and boots for about 40% of their original price. The boots fit properly, and the skis are yellow. That pleases me greatly.

I also bought some new clipless pedals for my bike (something I've wanted to have for the past 12 years) as I am riding my bike more these days. I didn't get a chance to put them on my bike, as I had a surprise BBQ dinner to go to last night (surprise because I totally forgot about it). My mom had an grade school friend come to visit from Wales, and booked me about a month ago.

It's quiet here tonight. Almost ... too quiet.

Our company's stock is tanking badly today. How bad is "badly" you ask? 25% of its value lost in 2 hours of trading. In reaction to this, of course, our CEO announced that we will be firing about 350 people. I'm sure that this will inspire those left behind to dedicate themselves even more to the company. I wonder how many of those 350 people will be managers? I wonder how many meetings this layoff decision will produce? I wonder when our CEO will pull his head out and have a look around at what is going on?

It's indecision of upper management, not focusing on what's profitable (sell what you own, not what you get commission on) and endless, boring bloody meetings (often with NO AGENDA - how big a mistake is that?) that are doing us in. We are supposed to be nimble and fast, but we can't get up enough momentum to go anywhere. At this point, I'd be happy to be running, even if it were to the wrong end goal.

And tell the development team to quit buggering around with useless changes to the websites that the customer didn't ask for. Only put out a release of the website when it does something new for the customer.

There's nothing like adding a form to irreversably screw up the formatting of your blog.

Rats.

Time's UP! Pencils down.

Last week, I asked you to keep track of what your first thought was as you awoke each morning. Let me know what they were. If I share them here, I promise I won't say who said what. Remember, there's a prize for the the most interesting ones.

Here were my first thoughts (separated by semicolons or commas):
e-mail (optional):

All Done! Now, just

Thanks for the info.

Thanks for the info.

My youngest daughter, McMonkey, is driving me nuts lately. I never thought I'd want a mindful child (i.e. having her do as I say, not as she pleases) but it sure would be nice if she were that way. It seems that the more I push her to do things, the more that she finds other ways to do as she pleases that follow the letter, rather than the spirit of what I've asked. Either that, or she makes excuses for acting against my wishes.

Case in point: going to bed when I've asked her. She makes a game of staying up late (bragging the next morning that she "tried" to stay up to midnight, or 11:30, or some other time) even though I've tried to discourage her from staying up late. I explain that I don't want her to stay up, siting reasons like her being tired will make her grumpy, even threatening to not let her have friends over, etc., but it doesn't seem to stick with her. We have a bedtime routine of putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, reading a story, lights out and then going to sleep, but she will often come out and "visit" me or Jennifer several times after lights out time. Even if I am dead tired and zonk out as soon as the kids are in bed, she will come and visit. This and all the other little things - not wanting to help with household chores, keeping the TV off (we have limited TV time every day) - are all combining to make me feel like I am losing my ability to raise and discipline this child. Barbara Coloroso, where are you when I need you?

McMonkey told me that when I pass wind, it smells like bacon. BACON?!?

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I want to start riding my bike more and driving less. I must be going through some sort of phase.

This evening was another hectic evening, not unlike the rest of my life, where I left work and went to pick up my daughters at their after-school activity. They are both in the parade tomorrow morning, which meant that we had some errands to do after I picked them up. As we were driving around, we were all getting a bit grumpy - it was 7 pm and we hadn't had dinner (they have an after-school snack at about 3:30 pm - I don't starve my kids, don't worry). My hunger, distance from the house and laziness combined to make me decide to stop at McDonalds to get some mediocre but filling sustenance. As soon as we got into the place, my youngest daughter, warily (because she knows it is an anger trigger for me) said, "Dad, I know you don't like me getting Happy Meals because of the toy, but I just want to see if they have the necklace today." That did it. I am so tired of my kids being a target market for the big advertising machine that I gently suggested that we go somewhere else to grab a bite, and my kids took the easy road and agreed.

It didn't help that I saw a poster from adbusters today that had a picture of a one year old child in a brightly colored McDonalds bib and a bonnet adorned with an image of french fries. The caption read "If we can hook them, get them between the ages of two and eight, they're guaranteed to be consumers for life." I saw my kids as consumers of this crap, wanting to go to McDonalds because they knew that there was a toy there - not because of the taste, quality or nutrition of the food that they were going to get there. Toys should be offered in toy stores, food in restaurants. Ne'er the two should meet. I don't allow my kids to bring toys to the table of my own house - why would I want them to be coerced into settling for crappy food just to get some cheap, plastic throw-away item that I'll step on with bare feet as I make my way down the stairs in the middle of the night?

...

As you can probably tell, I'm more than a little disenfranchised (no pun intended) with big business and advertising these days.

We ended up stopping at a locally owned, non-franchised drive-in on the way home and buying milkshakes, then going home and cooking up a Chez Collins dinner. I felt much better about that.

Did you see the movie, Best in Show? Did you get it?

Shows like this (that walk that thin line between plausible and parody) keep me cheerfully cynical and give me cases of the giggles for weeks afterwards.

I know lots of people that couldn't tell it from a real documentary. That's scary.

Hey! Dave Irwin's OK. Lucky guy.

September, September, September. I keep hearing that month. What the hell is so relavent about September?

I found an excellent HTML cheatsheet that trounces WebMonkey's cheet sheet. Maybe now I can stop bugging all them smart HTML gurus that I know.

I just finished a fabulously sunny, mostly relaxing long weekend. I had very few family obligatory duties. Our home was kid central, as we had invitees over for sleepovers *and* had a tent-campout in the back yard on Sunday night (Canada Day weekend, you know, and the kids are out of school for the summer anyway). I put a good dent in the useless junk that exists in our garage throwing out a good portion of old files, broken computer equipment and office stuff that I've been carting around for years from house to house. We're getting ready for a Garbage Sale at the end of July, and what a sale it is going to be. I've jettisoned most of the useless junk, leaving only the high-quality, ultra-usable junk. Stop by and I'll cut you a deal.

I even got a little quality hammock time in on Monday as the weather was being sooo cooperative.

-------

I've been cranky lately, and I can't put my finger on the reason why. It could be the amount of travelling Jennifer is doing these days, but I don't think so. I think it has to do with thoughts of work creeping into my weekend (maybe creeps working into my weekend?). I'm still chronically resentful about Seattle shutting down our office. The last week has seen much of my responsibility move to Seattle, leaving me very little to worry about (I think) other than to support to the end or Calgary brethren. In the past weeks, I've seen hints and glimmers of what my group was capable of - speedy, thorough implementations; responsive action to crises; responsible helpful action ... it's a shame that the only thing that I can give my team to focus on is a decisive blow to a nail in the coffin, and only then are the blows allowed to fall when Seattle deems themselves "ready".

I hope that going through this personally makes my more empathetic if I have to decide to and then direct another group down the office-closure path.

-------

By the way, how's your homework coming along?

I'm being treated like a lackey by some assholes at work. Look out.

For the fashion-conscious amoungst my readers, I recommend geekt.org. My personal favorite is the irreverent section.

By the way, I've given up Coke for Lipton Brisk Iced Tea.

Alright, folks, the weekend is coming, but I have some homework for you. Get a piece of paper and a pen, and place them on the table by your bed. Put them where you normally put your glasses, or cel phone, or alarm clock. For the next week, you are going to write down the first thought that comes to your mind when you wake up. One sentence (or fragment) will do. I'll be collecting your homework next Friday. A special (secret) prize will be sent to you if you have the most amusing (or disturbing) entry. I'll share the entries (but not the names, to protect the innocent) afterwards.

C'mon, it'll be fun.

One down, seven to go.

The first of the Tech Services staff left for greener pastures yesterday. It wasn't too painful to send him on his way - he had other opportunities in the offing, and he *was* only on a one year contract here. Still, it feels like the start of the end.

Enough tinkering. I guess my webpage is ready for unveiling. Looks like function wins out over design. Uncork the champagne! Let the balloons and streamers fly! Just don't waste all day poking around all the old stuff.

Thanks again, Grant, for hosting it.

Oh, crap - look at the time. I gotta get up for work in four and a half hours.

Here's a good spot to go for some computer desktop wallpaper.

Studying for my Microsoft certification is going painfully slow. I hear confilicting stories from people regarding the usefulness of having them. Some people (recruiters included) are saying that industry experience dwarfs the importance of the MCSE. Still, I feel that having the qualification will lend some credibility to my claim to "know" the various flavors of Microsoft server products. I am just going to have to put my head down and get through a few exams.

---------------

In spite of how much I bitch and moan about my job, I have to admit that it *has* been a great place to learn (and make mistakes) as I hone my management skills. I'm learning the finer points of playing politics by observing and occasionally foraying into the escapades. I've wielded power over the vendors that holding the purchasing decision gives, and learned to benefit the company and myself from that power. I've developed the ability to deal with difficult and arrogant people - staff, coworkers and supervisors. I have even disciplined and fired - which is much harder than it sounds.

To me, firing is the action that results when an employee keeps passing all the "Turn Back Now" signs in the middle of their path. The times that I have fired someone (there have been two) have been hard for me, as I wondered how these dumb-dumbs could not have seen the warnings and taken heed. I remember beating myself up for each person that I had to let go, wondering if I had given enough clear signs and/or benefit of the doubt. In retrospect, I now realize that each one of those I fired had (presumably) known what they were doing and, consciously or not, chosen the consequence that awaited them. From my viewpoint, they all ended up better for leaving my employment. I've even had one employee arrested and charged with a felony.

All of these lessons pale in comparison to my experience at one job I had that most would consider to be the the ultimate of a non-stressful job - standing around on deck as a lifeguard at an indoor pool. As lifeguards, we would sometimes joke about it being a boring day because nobody died. Then one day, someone did.

An elderly man was swimming during a typically quiet lane swim, along with about fifteen other people. This senior citizen who came infrequently to the pool was swimming lengths when, without a sound or warning, he sank to the bottom in the middle of his swimming his length. The lifeguard on duty (a mother of two teanage boys) saw him sink, sensed something was wrong and dove in after him. She brought him to the surface and called to the other guard (who from the office had heard the whistle blast and the splash of her dive) that she had a "major". The other guard went in to assist, while he called for one of the instructors (an eighteen-year-old university student who worked 8 hours a week) to clear the remaining patrons into the changerooms and lock the doors.

The two guards hauled his limp body out of the pool and onto the pool deck, careful to cradle his head from hitting the hard-tiled deck and cause further injury. The second guard told the instructor to call for an ambulance and inform them that they had a non-breathing, pulseless victim. The first guard began doing chest compressions while the other started doing rescue breathing. The chest compressions caused the man to vomit all over the second guard, who had knelt beside his head. They rolled him onto his side, cleared his airway, rolled him back and continued with compressions and artifical respiration. The two guards worked on the man for seventeen-and-a-half minutes while they waited for the ambulance to arrive. They never switched places as they were told in training that they should do - the adrenaline kept them going, counting out loud rhythmically - five compressions, one breath, marking each minute when they reached sixty compressions by starting count again. When the paramedics came, they took over the compressions and ventilations, but they seemed to know that this man's time had come. They, nor the lifeguards, could pronounce the man dead so they continued their work all the way to the hospital.

There wasn't an inquest into the incident at the pool - the coroner's autopsy clearly identified it as a massive heart attack, meaning his heart stopped sending any signal to beat altogether, and that he was most likely dead before he sank to the bottom. No amount of diligence could have saved this man when his heart quit beating and refused (through all of the efforts) to start again. Knowing this would not have made me feel any better as I stood in the shower, all of 22 years, crying and shaking as the hot water rinsed the vomit from my guard uniform and legs, into the floor drain.

That, gentle reader, is where the high bar is set for a bad day at work.

I'm down in Seattle right now at the corporate headquarters and there isn't a rickshaw in sight. I could dominate the market. :-)

On the plane ride to Seattle I ran into an old friend from my lifeguarding days in Edmonton. Very little seems to have changed in that world. It was nice to see her and talk about some of our mutual friends, but it seems like a whole different life to what I am living now. Talk of unions, long term time put in at pools (10 -15 years), disciplinary procedures and seniority lists. Whew, am I ever glad to be past al that stuff.

I headed back to the hotel last night and crashed for over 12 hours - I had no idea how tired I was.

I am giving more thought to this rickshaw idea. I was originally thinking of the handheld rickshaw, but I've only seen the bicycle-style rickshaws for sale.

If I had a bicycle rickshaw, I would have to worry about repairs, possible accidents, licensing (if I'm going to be on the road), ...


The handheld model sounds easier, but there is the problem of user safety. What if I trip and the handle nosedives? The passengers are going to go flying out onto their faces. Also, if I have three hundred and fifty pounds of meat (which isn't unreasonable for two adults) in the back plus 80 pounds of rickshaw going down a hill, how do I stop it? Is there a handbrake?

This is getting more and more complicated. I just want to wear one of those ricefield worker hats.

Tempers are flaring, accusations are flying, explanations are being demanded, procedures are required, deadlines are approaching and ... hey ... look at what a sunny day it is. Hmmm, I wonder what the tempature is outside?

Some time ago I noticed that we have a robin's nest in the pine trees of our back yard. This morning the robin was firmly in place in the nest, so I think we may have hatchlings soon. For some reason, the fact that they chose a tree in my back yard gives me a satisfied feeling.

Did you ever notice that the terms "expert" and "insufferable asshole" are completely interchangeable?

Mackenzie's dance teacher, Miss Tracy, took this picture, and I really like it.

Yet Another Inexplicable Dream:

I am hand washing my truck (an old early '70s style chevrolet 1/2 ton) even though I don't own this truck, when suddenly I am pelted by water and the rotating brushes of an automatic car wash. Covered with foam and soaking wet, I leave the carwash bay through a industrial-type glass door. The door leads to a shop that has old lady-type knick-knacks; book ends, candles and candleholders, simmering potourri dishes, outgraously priced stuffed animals and the like. I start to browse through this stuff and suddenly I am showing stuff to Bob, a generously-sized friendly from work. I am unfazed by his instant appearance as my co-shopper and I am having a great time, showing him items that I think are humorously impractical.

The two of us continue shopping, going deeper into the store, when the stuff we start looking at gets more bizarre. We find moose antlers and stuffed animal heads, racks and racks of ugly suits, industrial-sized cooking and baking equipment and then gradually, the whole shop turns into a big Value Village-quality store. Somehow, we both find neat things to buy (I have a 30 inch wide floor polisher), then head for the checkout. Next thing I know, I'm woken up by a phone call from a coworker.

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By the way, I didn't get the job at the oil company.

Just as well, as I *had* promised to stay on at ByeWire until the end of March of 2002. Things are already getting wierd as people get closer to their end dates. Tempers are a little bit shorter, outlooks a bit gloomier, and the Seattle folks seem a bit more distant. A lot of grief is still bottled up inside people and it is manifesting itself in some very unusual ways. The true leaders of this place are making themselves known, and I am realizing more and more that my allegiance is to the people that make up this business, not the business itself.

I've just had a large thorn removed from my side. Damn, that feels better.

Well, the birthday is done, and I'm now thirty-six. I prefer to spend my birthday in reflection on the past year, what changes have happened to me, where I am now, what I want to do from here, etc.. There was no time for reflection on Saturday and this year it could have been the most helpful. As usual, my weekend whooshed by with its laundry list of child activities, parental obligations, household chores and the like. I had *very* little time to be introspective or reflective. Maybe next weekend will hold a bit of solitude.

I feel generally weirded out this year - disoriented, old, unsure of my physical self, unsure of my career identity, that sort of stuff. Some of my birthday willies come from the knowledge that I am losing my job in nine-and-a-half short months. I have many different ideas rolling around in my head about what to do next. Taking some time off sounds inviting, as does persuing a teaching career. I really like working with creative and design types, but I don't think that there is enough of a call in that field for someone with my skills. The tech industry does pay awfully well - if I were to continue on here for six or seven more years, I might be well enough off to not need to consider compensation for the work I do. Six or seven years is a long time, though. Am I willing to get into something I potentially don't enjoy (few new places are as fun as where I just came from), just to get the money up front? I just don't know.

Another idea that I had (and don't laugh) - I am considering tracking down a rickshaw and hauling people around all through Stampede next summer. Does that sound crazy or not?

---

Here's the song that's the poignant soundtrack to what little Sean Time I've had this weekend.

Once in a Lifetime

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself - Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

- (c) David Byrne, 1980

---

I'm reading an excellent book called Ancient Wisdom, Modern World that discusses ethics and morals for the twenty-first century. The author, the Dalai Lama, is pulling on his experiences from his fifty years of observing the world outside Tibet (he became a refugee shortly after the Chinese took over Tibet in the 1950's) and speaking mainly to those of us living in the western culture. The main focus of the book is how he feels we can work toward happiness (which he feels is the basis of ALL religion and spiritual pursuits) through being more mindful of others. I quite like how he differentiated spirituality (which he feels we need to pursue more) from religion (which he feels we don't necessarily need). He seems to have a good sense of self and points out his own prejudices.

It's pretty deep subject matter, but it fascinates me.

Having a crock pot of chili warming in your office is certainly distracting.