Things My Dog Thinks Will Earn Food

• barking excitedly while standing on her back legs, waving her front paws in the air
  
• waking me up to let her go out for a bodily function every second hour from 1 am onwards
  
• barking to wake my daughters, Banana and McMonkey, and cause them to come to the kitchen for breakfast
  
• licking whatever exposed skin I might have when sitting still at the computer or watching TV
  
• standing in the kitchen and barking
  
• sitting in front of you and making whimpering noises when you are talking to another human
  
• sitting in the living room, making whimper-whining noises while I prepare a meal
  
• preventing any two family members from embracing or roughhousing by barking and wedging the flat part of her skull between the two offenders
  
• circling the dinner table like a prowling shark

I know, because after each of these actions, she will walk excitedly back and forth between me and the storage place of the treats, on the hardwood floor, creating the annoying-yet-attention-getting "tic-tic-tic-tic" noise that is the equivilent of the Chinese Water Torture.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth .... You'd think we never fed this animal!